Sunday, April 5, 2015
Wednesday, April 1, 2015
The Value of a Wife/Mom
I have been a stay at home mom, now a homemaker (as all our children are grown and out of the home). Before this, I was in the professional world, same as my husband. We both brought home roughly the same amount of money and could afford anything and everything we needed or desired. The downside to this was the stress level in our home.
Due to unforeseen circumstances, I found myself forced to stay at home for an extended period of time. This was so foreign to me. I had worked since the day I turned sixteen, at times even working two jobs to make ends meet as I was a single mom before my husband and I met. It took a lot of courage and faith in God to take that leap to one income knowing that on paper we would NEVER be able to pay our current mortgage in a 3400 sq. ft. home with all the expenses that went with it (there is a reason I'm sharing such personal information). But, we put our Faith in God knowing that cradled in His hands, we would be okay no matter what happened. We were on the verge of foreclosure and God spoke to me in a dream (no I'm not a quack, this was real...it came true), and told me that I would not go back to work outside the home and we would not lose our home. When I shared this with my husband after more prayer and quiet time with my Lord, he of course had his doubts wondering why God had not shared this same information with him. But being the true man of God that he is, he listened and decided to trust that I truly had heard from God as this is how God communicates with me because that's usually my only real downtime. During the day, Praise and worship music is constantly going in my home, but I don't have a lot of quiet time. So I began to cling to Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." NIV. In the end, we not only won our foreclosure case, it was determined the mortgage company filed illegal documents and we received a settlement to boot. All glory given to God. I got a little off topic, but I couldn't help sharing how God always has you in his arms and takes care of you. He is faithful!
So, I had now been a stay at home mom/wife for several years and had settled into my role as wife and mother. However, I was (and sometimes still am especially since we are empty-nesters now) constantly being looked down upon, ridiculed such as "don't you feel unimportant?" or "aren't you unsatisfied not having something for yourself?"' and I was/am whispered about behind my back. Occasionally, I meet a woman who would commend me for my "sacrifice" saying that they would go crazy if they had to be at home with their children 24/7 or be bored at home with nothing to do. By this time, it bewildered me why every mother/wife would not want to be the one spending her time, and resources devoted to her family. The reactions of others makes it difficult at times to see my true value. A lot of people see women who stay at home as lazy like "Peggy Bundy" who sits around all day watching soap operas and eating Bon-Bons. I assure you that is usually not the case.
Our home life when my husband and I were both in the professional world was always stressful. We would get up in the mornings (usually late) and start the day by arguing over who got the shower first. The last one usually was late to work. We would argue over who was supposed to have gone by the dry-cleaner the night before because one or both of us didn't have the proper attire to wear to work that day. We constantly grabbed fast food because grocery shopping and preparing meals was just not feasible by the end of the day. We were constantly bickering at each other for no other reason than we both were exhausted and completely stressed out.
When I began to stay at home, I was able to eliminate most if not all of my stress therefore allowing me the energy and time to help relieve some of my husband's stress when he came home. I was able to go grocery shopping and prepare healthy meals. I was able to keep our granddaughter (now ten years old) from an infant until she was in school full time while her young parents got on their feet, working full time while in college full time. I've been able to do some great volunteer work within my community for those less fortunate or who just need a hand up after a tragedy and take our last child (a late teenager by this time) with me to help volunteer and learn the value of giving back to your community. I was able to stay on top of the majority of the housework, could run errands for my husband, have coffe ready by the time my husband wakes, and his lunch ready for when he walks out of the door in the morning. Essentially I could be what I personally believe God intended for a woman when He made her out of the rib of a man to be his help-meet. (I, like Mr. Nelms, am not trying to condemn any woman who is not staying home for any reason. I am only sharing my personal journey and convictions.)
I believe this is what has saved my marriage. This has allowed us to grow close again as a couple. Instead of constantly being at odds with one another due to nothing more than stress, we began to work together as a team facing the world together as one unit.
We are now empty-nesters and I had toyed with the idea of returning to the work force. I discussed this with my husband and he was/is in no uncertain terms against it. But respecting me not only as a mom and wife, but as a fully capable and intelligent woman, he left the decision up to me. Together, we went over the pros and cons and I made the decision to remain at home still for the benefit of my family. Still when our granddaughter is ill on a school day and her mom or dad is unable to take the day off, I get a phone call and have the opportunity to spend special time with her.
Even though I know my husband values my role in the home and has assured me that he will do whatever needs to be done to keep that a possibility, I still feel guilty at times especially when I get negative responses from outside sources. I had never put a monetary figure on my value in the home. I hesitiate to buy something for myself that is needed even if it's just a few dollars. i will put it in my shopping cart but start to feel such guilt as i go about my shopping that i will put it back on the shelf or rack. I don't hesitate to buy necessities for my family.
So, in closing, seeing it put into words by Mr. Helms, has made me stop and realize how much more value I have at home than I realized. Thank you so much Mr. Helms.
Please go read this blog. It matters not whether you stay at home, with or without kids, or if you don't and want to understand why women decide to do so. While some may be the lazy "Peggy Bundy" types, the majority of us are not.
Here is the link to the blog by Steven Nelms.
http://www.weareglory.com/blog/fathers-you-cant-afford-a-stay-at-home-mom
With my deepest thanks to Mr. Nelms and my geatest appreciation to Mrs. Nelms, allow me to raise a glass in the hopes of the start of changing the majority viewpoint of couples across the world!
With love until next time, Stephie
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)